Aaaand here we are with part two of my yearend happy post! Just to recap, I’ve had 19 wonderful firsts this 2019, and here’s the first half of the list in case you missed it.
Whew. Pretty packed year, huh? (I mean it is, for me.) Why don’t we go ahead and finish this list, starting with #11!
Dear C,
I’ve been thinking of writing you a letter since that day in April when we learned of the new journey you chose to take. Obviously, work and other things got in the way, so I guess this will suffice.
I was shocked by the decision you made. Shocked, but not disturbed. Shocked in an amazing, terrifying kind of way. I could only imagine the process you took, the weighing of pros and cons, the self-doubt or the “Can I really do it?” and “Am I ready for this?” phase, and maybe even the grief that motivated you to think of this course in the first place.
I should write a story about you, about how brave you were–are, in fact, because you’re taking this journey on your own now. Not completely on your own, of course. There’s family and friends supporting you, but you know what I mean. There must be some place deep in your heart that longs for someone, The One, to share these moments with you. I know there is. We joke about it a lot and shove the issue under the rug, but I know, and I understand that longing to an extent. It kind of gnaws at your heart some when you’re idle, when you’re about to fall asleep at night, or maybe in your waking hours. I imagine there’d be a dull ache in your chest, a hollow part you feel like smacking a cork into. Someday, I hope that space gets filled. And when it does, I hope that the someone who takes it deserves you.
For now, let me tell you how amazing you are for making this decision. Some people might think it unwise, but I understood completely why you wanted it as much as you did. I have similar dreams too, but I’m not sure I’ll have that chance. It’s not about being ready, because really, no one is completely ready for the big things in life. It’s about knowing in your heart what you really want and standing by it no matter what. It’s about being determined to be worthy of what you wanted, of what life is giving you the chance to experience. That you knew what you wanted and took the chance, that you are determined to show the world that you deserve this . . . that’s what’s amazing, and for that I applaud you.
I may not be very showy, but I support you 100%. And if you’ll take me as godmother, I’d gladly do it.
Take care of yourself well. <3